Ladies and Gents…I’m BACK!
As I’m sitting here, watching this Kobe/Shaq joke of an interview (SNOOOOOZE) I can’t help but get a bit psyched – for the first time in a while, we have some new, exciting rooting interest. And for the first time in the Lebron era, we’ve got a dunk contestant!
I’ve got some juicy IPAs (shout out to Other Half Brewing, Singlecut, and a slew of others I’ll be knocking back tonight!) and Chinese food on the way. LETS DO THIS!
What’s everyone else drinking tonight?!
8:01 – LARRY NANCE JR SIGHTING!
8:02 – …Mario Lopez? Wait WHAT? Girlfriend’s first comment of the night: “What is this?” Second comment? “He dyes his hair so much.”
8:04 – ANTHONY ANDERSON! DEMAR DEROZAN! SNOOP DOGG! It’s ALL STAR SATURDAY!
Also, I’ve always thought of Snoop as tall – seeing him next to DeRozan is pretty eye opening.
8:05 – SKILLZ TIME! I LOVE the fact that they have all these centers playing. Lauri Markkanen might be my new favorite player…THE FINISHER!!!!!!!
8:07 – They’re really scraping the bottom of the barrel with these contestants, eh?
8:07 (2) – Reggie Miller’s suit! I’m dying for a red suit like that.
Bigs vs Guards! Lets go bigs! Girlfriend’s newest comment? “Where’s Cedi????”
8:09 – Is Drummond really that “skilled” of a big? Forgive me for feeling he’s a little less finesse and a little more brute.
8:11 – EMBIID LOSES THE BALL! BUT COMES BACK TO WIN! WHATTTTTT!
Thank god Horford is done. BOSTON SUCKS!
Embiid’s shot is too pretty, man!
8:12 – Time for Lauri! Dude looks like a baby!
8:12 (2) – DAMN LAURI! Draining a 3 like BANG! Also, DRUMMOND DRAINED HIS TOO!!!!
8:14 – I really don’t understand State Farm’s new campaign – why did they cast the dude from the office? WHO ARE THEY TARGETING WITH THESE ADS?!?!?!?!?!?
8:15 – So my girlfriend works as a voice over agent, and because of that feels the need to comment on literally every voice she hears on TV. It’s…Um…Interesting to be around, to put it nicely.
8:16 – “The clown gave it to me!” – just leaving this here for posterity.
Has anyone tried the Taco Bell fries yet? Thoughts?
8:18 – UPSET1 Spencer Dinwiddie!!!!
8:19 – Lou Williams totally started before the timer. Serves him right for losing!
I have to say, this current iteration leaves me wanting. I feel like this should be changed into, essentially, a one on one game. Right?!?!
Embiid vs Lauri! Murray vs Dinwiddie! LETS DO THIS!
8:21 – EG mentioned this – that Survivor cover was AWFUL. But was it worse than the All Along The Watchtower cover during the Super Bowl? This might be worst ever status.
8:25 – LAURI VS EMBIID! Whoaaaaaaa!
8:25 – AND LAURI WINS IT! This kid is a killer, man! And his stats aren’t terrible!
8:26 – MURRAY FLYING, BUT DINWIDDIE DRAINS IT! “This is the most excitement the Brooklyn Nets have had all season!”
8:27 – Seriously, ANOTHER COMMERCIAL?!
8:27 (2) – Do you think Steven Tyler will bring this disgusting facial hair into the main stream? That would be awesomely awful.
8:29 – See, GEICO GETS HOW TO MARKET CAR INSURANCE! That Manatee ad is GOLD.
8:31 – I miss Kristaps :'(
8:32 – Lauri legit looks like he’s a kid. Wow.
8:33 – OH MAN! SPENCER DRAINS IT BEFORE LAURI CAN EVEN GET TO THE THREE POINT LINE! THIS IS THE NETS CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!! BROOKLYN, THIS IS FOR YOU!
8:34 – This woman holding the Trophy from Taco Bell is HYSTERICAL! And that was the most awkward photo opp EVER! Do you think everyone involved feels weird? ‘Cause the GF and I sure do!
8:36 – Brent Berry – this is the “best queso scenario.” Oh man, eye roll.
TIME FOR THE REAL GAMES TO BEGIN!
8:41 – TOBIAS HARRIS, WAYNE ELLINGTON, PAUL GEORGE, DEVIN BOOKER, KYLE LOWERY, BRADLEY BEAL, KLAY THOMPSON (SCREW YOU!!!!), AND ERIC GORDON! “He looks like a gerbil” – girlfriend. Wow, OK.
Who exactly do we root for here, guys and gals?!
8:44 – Brent Barry is seriously the cheesiest commentator ever. And archer, not the arrow analogy? C’mon dude.
8:45 – Nate says we’re going Ellington – I’m inclined to agree.
8:46 – I also really hate the dude from Silicon Valley as the Verizon dude. He’s so, so off-putting.
8:48 – Wires are bad, guys.
8:48 (2) – I gotta say, the Goodyear blimp dunking is pretty cool.
8:49 Reggie Miller “the most exciting event of the night, obviously I’m a little biased.” Girlfriend’s response? “Ok, toot your own horn there, B*tch!”
Jeez – she’s even tougher than I am!
8:50 – Did ANYONE think Tobias had any shot at this? Also, check out his shoes!!!
8:51 – OUCH – how many airballs did he have there??!?!?!?!
8:51 (2) – Ellington rocking the Miami Vice jerseys! Love ’em!
8:52 – JUST short of Tobias! C’mon Ellington! Also, his shoes rule too.
Now the real guys comin’ out!
8:53 – PG13 coming out weak!
8:54 – “I COULD MAKE MORE THAN NINE SHOTS!” – the GF
8:55 – Booker is my pick to win it, I think.
8:56 – HOW IS TOBIAS HARRIS LEADING THIS?!
Wait never mind – Booker in the lead! Klay up soon.
9:02 – Time for another beer (New England Brewing Coriolis) and Kyle Lowery, who has zero chance of winning this, right?
9:03 – As expected, Lowery blows it. Beal will kill it, I bet.
9:04 – OK, I was really wrong. Beal wasn’t AWFUL, but not great.
Man, they’re low scoring this year!
9:05 – God I hate Klay, but God I love Klay. Is there any way he loses this?
9:06 – BANG! A BUZZER BEATER FOR KLAY! “No one does it like Thompson!” You’re damn right, Webber!
9:06 (2) – But the little kid praying for Klay was adorable. AWWWW.
9:07 – Gordon time!
9:07 (2) – Wow, Gordon is garbage.
9:08 – Shaq: “I can tell who went out last night.” OH, OKAY.
9:09 – “Uncle Drew, In theaters June 29th” This depresses me so, so much.
9:10 – WAIT, IS THAT REAL?!?!?!
9:12 – I’ve failed everyone. I did not know they made it into a full-length film. Also…why?
9:14 – TOBIAS! I think I’m rooting for him!
9:15 – Damn! Harris starts off strong but whimpers to the finish! Also, he NEEDS to shave that soul patch.
9:16 – BOOKER! HOLY CRAP! 28!!!!! KILLING IT!
9:18 – Does anyone doubt Klay, here?
9:18 (2) – AND BOOKER WINS IT!!!!!!!!!! Congrats! Dude is a STUD scorer. Wow!
9:19 – How awkward is THIS! Cheerleaders and a JBL exec, with Booker. Someone needs to compile a YouTube video of all the awkward award presentations over the years.
9:21 – Booker with the record! Kid is special, that’s for sure.
9:23 – I see everyone in the comments section agree – these State Farm commercials need to end. Like, a month ago.
9:24 – Guys and gals, it’s time! LARRY NANCE JR! DUNK CONTEST!!!!
Any bets on what round we’re seeing his pops make an appearance?
9:25 – Anyone care to explain why Bono / U2, an IRISH band, is the band for March Madness, something that is wholly American? It just doesn’t make sense!
Also, thank GOODNESS they got rid of the musical performances.
9:26 – I spoke too soon – damn. MUST we have a musical performance?!
9:29 – Of COURSE Common has to make an appearance. I should’ve put money on this!
9:31 – Bill Russel looks sick – that’s sad. Kareem looks great!
9:32 – DUNK CONTEST TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LNJ LNJ! Can we make that abbreviation a thing?!
9:36 – The funniest thing about this is they don’t even have video footage of Nance Jr dunking in a Cavs jersey!
9:37 – DJ KHALED! MARKY MARK (that TEE!)! CHRIS ROCK! LISA LESLIE! DR J!!!!!! Man! These judges!!!!
9:39 – LOL AT MARKY MARK AND CHRIS ROCK NEXT TO LISA LESLIE!!!!!
9:40 – This intro is awful. Just…Awful.
9:41 – HERE WE GO!!!!!!!
9:42 – FIRST DUNK CONTEST WINNER EVER! LETS GO LNJ!!!!!!
9:43 – Unbanned – wow! That looks AMAZING.
9:44 – Zach LaVine’s outfit is…Interesting…
9:45 – Aw Nance Jr and Sr! Together! This is heart warming.
9:47 – Here we go! Nice first dunk by Mitchell! I like it!
9:48 – 48 OUT OF THE BOX! Wow! Lets see what Oladipo can do!
9:49 – Ooooof. Oladipo can’t finish. Still..that WOULD’VE been amazing. Was he limping?
9:50 – Smith Jr is the weakest of the Jrs, I think. That was….eh.
9:51 – HERE WE GO! Help already!?
9:51 (2) – Gotta be the dad’s jersey.
9:52 – Those socks! Those shorts!!!
9:52 (2) – THE DAD DUNK! C’mon! This is awesome.
9:54 – Seriously? ANOTHER commercial break?!
9:55 – I still don’t understand why they made an Uncle Drew movie…
9:56 – WHOA! The courtside VR might be the first time I’ve legit bene interested in VR…
9:58 – OK, Oladipo with the nice Black Panther touch.
9:59 – I give it a 7
10:00 – 40 – not too bad. Smith coming out with a pretty crazy dunk here…
10:00 (2) – “He has Kevin Hart hands.” OH MAN! But that dunk was INCREDIBLE. that’s a 50.
10:01 – Nance needs a 45 to go on.
10:02 – Wow – that slam was NUTS. That was with AUTHORITY!
10:03 – NANCE DOES IT! 49! ONTO THE FINALS!
10:03 (2) – “He’s going to rip the shorts when he dunks!” Mitchell rocking some tight, tight shorts there
10:04 – Kevin Hart! Mitchell’s little sister! What the what?!
10:05 – WOW! Mitchell is absolutely killing it. Dude just FLEW there.
10:06 – Double perfect score for Mitchell! ON TO THE FINALS!
10:08 – I miss the old Old Spice ads.
10:10 – SENIOR APPEARANCE! Lets see what he’s got!
I gotta say, that Mitchell dunk was AMAZING.
10:11 – When Nance dunks, he dunks HARD. That was awesome. Still… I honestly only think it’s a 9.
10:12 – Khaled making up for the 9 with a 10! 46!
10:13 – WOW. Ok, Mitchell is freaking amazing. WOW
10:14 – Last Nance dunk! Whatcha got for us, kid?!
10:15 – NANCE WITH THE DOUBLE TAP! WOW!
10:17 – MITCHELL WINS BY TWO! I think his final dunk was the most meh. The double tap was the winner of the night. But I agree with Kenny – we need one more dunk in the finals!
10:18 – This is easily the least awkward trophy presentation. Congrats to Mitchell – that was a fantastic group of competitors.
10:19 – “Back to you, Zach LaVine!” Why? Seriously, why?!?!?!
10:20 – Agree with Kenny – that was a strong year. Fun time all around.
10:20 (2) – There’s seriously more?
10:23 – I hate these little girls bullying this dude into buying cookies. Know it alls!
10:26 – That just about wraps it up for me! Nance brought his A game but fell JUST short. Good thing we have the rest of the season to enjoy him! Time to knock back one last juice bomb IPA and watch some Seinfeld. Go Team Lebron!