Dear St. Nick…

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas… not just with the weather and the twinkly lights, but because the Cavs are about to play the Warriors in what’s become an annual tradition of exchanging gifts (and deep threes, illegal screens, elbows, mouthpieces…). But, lest we dwell on the humbuggery of that showdown, it’s our yearly time at C:tB to stop and reflect on the reasons we love the season, and ask St. Nick to throw some metaphorical gifts down the collective chimneys of our favorite team. There’s a lot of new faces on Santa’s list this year, so let’s get to our recommendations on how he should fill their stockings with joy this year…

EG’s List

Jose Calderon: Well, the old cajoled senõr has forced a lot of us to eat some humble pie courtesy of the fork he’s removed from his back thus far this season. Jose has been not only a pleasant surprise with his play… he’s been a necessity for bringing some order to the PG position. It’s no wonder, despite his advanced age, that he’s been able to help herd the starting lineup recently though… especially given his off the court pursuits. Yes, in case you weren’t aware, Jose is a pig farmer in Spain when he’s not distributing the rock for the Cavs, helping to supply the world with tasty organic ham for the holidays. So, rather than the expensive silver fork collection I had my eye on for Calderon when the season started, I landed on this fun and festive alternative (I’m sure Jose doesn’t have many ugly Christmas sweaters in Villanueva de la Serena).

Channing Frye: There’s no question that Channing Frye makes the Cavaliers better both on and off the court. On it, the team is 16-1 when Channing plays 11+ minutes this season, and the floor is spaced nicely for the second unit to thrive. Off of it, he continues to be a source of fun an entertainment for his teammates, even with the sad parting of his Road Trippin’ buddy, Richard Jefferson. The podcast ended back in early November with the duo now residing in different cities… but who says you need to be in the same actual booth to record an awesome pod? Here’s hoping Channing and Richard can find a way to keep the magic alive… even though they’re on opposite sides of the country. And, as we’ve learned the hard way on our Cavs: The Podcast recordings, it always pays to have a top quality set of headphones. We’d be happy to supply you with such a set, Channing… say some Audio-Technica ATH-M70x?

John Holland: I don’t know much about John Holland, other than he’s the first player the Cavs ever signed to a two-way contract. He also grew up in the Bronx, so he must have had some proximity to the nearby tunnel that bears his last name. There’s something fitting about trying to tie those two things together (two way/Holland Tunnel), but nothing really tangible that John might be able to enjoy for the holidays (other than traffic). What’s made his journey to the Cavs tougher recently is his unfortunate shoulder subluxation (it just sounds painful). So, even though he’s probably got all kinds of access to the best therapy the Cleveland Clinic Courts can provide, he’d probably heal a whole lot faster with his very own Aircast Cryo Cuff Shoulder with Cooler. Get well soon John!

Kyle Korver: I’m not sure if Kyle has any idea of how ridiculously far we (and I mean mainly me and Nate) have taken this whole La Flama Blanca nickname = instant Kenny Powers meme on Live Threads situation. But, the whole thing has brought me an insane amount of joy pretty much since Kyle arrived in early 2017. Time to give some of that joy back… even if it would be completely confusing to the jumpshot master formerly known as Threezus. I’m probably a few years too late on this, but I bet there’s still a replica or two of Kenny Powers’ purple, teal and cheetah print jet ski out there somewhere with Kyle’s name on it… maybe if I call that number?

Derrick Rose: The cynical side of me feels like the best possible gift for DRose at this point would be either a) a time machine that could take him back to 2011; or b) an all expenses paid trip to Chicago for a retirement ceremony. In lieu of those things, my Christmas wish for Derrick is that he gets to hang onto his Adidas deal regardless of whether or not his playing days are numbered. As a stocking stuffer (or shoe stuffer as the case may be)… a lifetime supply of these to go in them…

Iman Shumpert: Well, it seems like I accidentally stuck myself with a few of the injured Cavaliers. Even before he wound up on the disabled list with arthroscopic surgery on his knee, Shump wasn’t exactly having one of his better seasons. Here’s hoping the knee issues were the culprit, and that he can get back to staying in his defensive lane once he returns (probably sometime in early February), since by that time the Cavs should have at least one more PG or two to take on the ball-handling duties. In the meantime, Shump should have plenty of time on his hands to come up with new rhymes to spit for his burgeoning rap career… and I heard somewhere that the shower is a pretty dope place to work on one’s singing. So, why not do it under a top of the line, premium Hansgrohe Raindance Downpour AIR Showerhead? Perfect for all kinds of Shump washing…

JR Smith: The man we call Swish is becoming more known for the dish this year. JR continues to evolve beyond his reputation as a basketball problem child (except where the officials are concerned), and expand his game and skill set. He’s had to be more of a distributor this season with the lack of true point guards on the team, and has come into his own as a two-way player by continuing to step up his defensive efforts. I feel like JR is one of those guys who works really hard without always necessarily getting the credit for his efforts. I also know he loves to golf, and probably doesn’t get much of a chance during the season to bust out the clubs. This year, the AT&T Pebble Beach Pro-Am falls near NBA All Star Weekend, so maybe an entry for Swish would be a good stocking stuffer.

Tristan Thompson: As if TT didn’t have enough on his mind, what with his new role coming off the bench, his return and re-acclimation from a calf injury that cost him a month of the season, and potential trade rumors swirling around him… the official word just came down that he’s about to be a daddy again. This time, his baby is going to be a part of the Kardashian family as well, so there’s bound to be a lot of attention and photo ops of his newborn when he/she arrives. No doubt mom will be swaddling the new addition in designer duds, but why not start the little critter off with some swaggy Cavs gear to keep him/her grounded…

And, a little something extra for Dad when he’s trying to get that first word out…

Dwayne Wade: There’s no question that DWade has been a revelation operating as a sixth man and leader of the second unit so far this season… so much so that we’ve taken to calling him Vintage Wade whenever he does something that harkens back to his superstar level of play. But, did you know there’s a different kind of vintage that Wade is into? That’s right, DWade has had his own wine cellars and label in California for years now. Even though he’s probably tried most of the wines Northern California has to offer, the Cavs are still taking a brief side tour to Napa before the Christmas Day game against the Warriors. To make it extra special, why not add a tour on the world famous Napa Wine Train…

Tyronn Lue: Ty Lue’s won a title… he’s won 100 games as the Head Coach of the Cavs… but he never seems to win with the media. He’s tried being open and honest… he’s tried being cagey… but there always seems to be a question or two he either doesn’t love answering or gets tired of answering. So, aside from a second championship to add to his resume, or a Coach of the Year Award (sorry Ty, you’ve got to be a wunderkind genius media darling to get one of those these days), the best gift might be some advice from two of the guys who are pros at handling the media…

Oh, and one bonus gift for Coach Lue… something he can set to remind him when to put Kevin back into the game in the fourth quarter…

Nate’s List

Jae Crowder

I literally have no idea what to get this guy, but judging from his instagram account, Jae loves his specs. It’s common to see him sporting some some exquisitely curated glasses. No, Santa, don’t steal any from China, like LiAngelo Ball, but do get Jae something nice and I’m not talking Gucci or Versace. How about these real Walnut Zylos, handmade on the island of Syros in Greece?

Jeff Green

The Cavaliers own MacGuver has joined LeBron James as a guy whose played every single position for the Cavs this year. Jeff Green’s utility, his superior shot selection, and his ability to be a thumper  around the basket is one reason that the Cavs have one of the best benches in the league. So Santa, why don’t you get him a really nice ultimate Swiss Army knife and a t-shirt he’ll never wear (but should).

Cedi Osman

Come on. How were we going to avoid getting our favorite rookie something Jedi related? His name is pronounced almost like “Jedi” and it’s only one letter different. That’s comic gold! I’m thinking Stunt Lightsaber Combat for Beginners. I mean, how great would that be for post-dunk and three-pointer celebrations? And yeah. I’m sure there’s some fantastic Reddit groups he could join to talk about his light saber experiences with like-minded individuals. I’m sure they’d have a lot in common.

London Perrantes

Somewhat official member of the team, two-way contract player London Perrantes is averaging 14 points and eight assists in 35 minutes a night for the Charge with an eFG% of 50. So he’s probably not getting a permanent contract any time soon. Still, he’s a member of the team, and I’m sure he works as hard as anyone. Let’s do him up right. Maybe give him dinner for two at one of Cleveland’s better restaurants, the next time he’s called up for a Cavs game. I’ve always wanted to try The Flying Fig in Ohio City.

Isaiah Thomas

On to someone who said he’s not playing for Canton, ever, Isaiah Thomas, who finally made it into the pregame warmups for the Cavs, and is embracing #ThatSLOWGrind of rehab. It’s been beyond a rough year for I.T., and if anyone deserves a happy, healthy Christmas, it’s Isaiah. I know I’ve been critical of Thomas’ deficiencies as a player, but as long as he’s been a Cav, I’ve never had any doubts about Thomas the person. He’s been one of the off-the-court catalysts for the Cavs being as great as they’ve been so far this year.

I had a hard time picking something for him, but I do know he is no longer a fan of Danny Ainge. A couple weeks after Isaiah helped recruit Gordon Hayward, moved Thomas to the Cavs. After, Thomas vowed he “might not ever talk to Danny again.” What to get Isiah? Why not an Ainge “action” figure? Use the NBA’s favorite fraud as a voodoo doll, sling shot target practice, or motiviation on every day of the slow grind, Isaiah. I’d send along some fireworks with it, to do what I used to do to action figures, but none of us want you playing with M80s, just basketballs.

Ante Zizic

It’s a weird world. You know who discovered the Croation big man in Europe? Former Cavs’ head coach David Blatt. Blatt raved about him in this piece by Rich Levine of Boston.cbslocal.com about Zizic coming in off the street as a practice player at 16.

This kid was flying all around the room. He was bouncing off the walls. Bouncing off the floors. He’s getting hit every which way possible. And you know what stuck out most? He kept getting up…
And I remember I said to myself that day: This kid’s gonna be a player. This kid’s going to the NBA.

We’ve yet to see that kind of fire, and I want to see it. Part of the problem is Zizic is still learning the language, and he’s only 20. How do we help him, Santa? How about an all time great basketball movie that can teach him some moves and how to talk a little smack while Ante proves the movie’s premise is untrue.

Koby Altman

Is this now the world’s greatest Gag Gift? I think it is. And after looking like he got taken to the cleaners in free agency this summer, Koby Altman is starting to look like a genius as every one of his offseason free agency additions, save Derrick Rose, is making superior contributions on the court so far this year. The jury is still out on the Kyrie Irving trade, but for the coming trade deadline and next summer, Altman is going to have to really sharpen his pencil. While I doubt he’ll get much of value from the book, it should give him a good laugh. Maybe a sweet power tie will be what Koby needs to put himself over the too in negotiations. I hear red (or even wine) is nice.

Dan Gilbert

Despite the loss in the 2017 finals, Dan had a pretty good year. Heck, he just got a big break on his 2018 taxes! And yeah, the dude can probably afford anything he wants. But there are things no one can put a price on. So, Santa, please bring Dan and his family health and happiness, peace on earth, and goodwill towards men, and maybe put in a good word with Ernst and Young as they oversee the 2018 NBA draft lottery. (I don’t know if you’ve heard, but the Cavs have an extra pick).

LeBron James and Kevin Love

?Last night was mad real, fresh out of Advil- Jesus grab the wheel?Sheesh!!! You had to be there to truly Understand. Even though I wish you were there so u could. #VinoChronicles? P.S. don’t talk to me about wine like u know it if you really don’t know what you’re talking about. Seriously! Thank you! ??????‍♂️

A post shared by LeBron James (@kingjames) on Nov 26, 2017 at 9:14am PST

So apparently, these two love their wine. In November, they had a Night of Wine and Anchorman Quotes, and apparently, Bron’s wine knowledge is on point. What do we get for these two enofiles? Would one of the most expensive (yet still drinkable) wines in the world do the trick? Well let’s start a little cheaper. How about this bad boy from Australia for each of them, which appears to be the “world’s most awarded wine,” and retails for a reasonable $30?

The global ranking of the world’s best wines and wineries is published annually by the World Association of Wine Writers and Journalists (WAWWJ) and incorporates more than 50,000 producers and 700,930 wines across the top 80 international wine competitions from around the world…
And turns out, the world’s most awarded wine is an Australian one — the 2014 Jaraman Shiraz from Taylors Wines — and all it costs is $30.

For Kevin, let’s add something from his home state of Washington. Let’s go with this guy from Wine Spectator’s lists of Top 100 Wines, the 2014 Sixto Chardonnay Washington Uncovered.

Dynamic, yet sleek and refined, driven by a core of minerally acidity that meshes with the delicately complex apple, Meyer lemon and spicy yeast accents that linger long on the finish. Drink now through 2021. 1,835 cases made. —TF

Wine fit for a King? Let’s not get ridiculous. I mean we’re not paying five figures. What about Domaine Leroy – Chambertin Grand Cru – Cote de Nuits, France, whose 1990 bottle only goes for about £5,512 ($7363). I couldn’t find a description of the 1990, but the 1955 goes a little something like this.

Amazing sweetness in this Chambertin that is all about intensity and purity of expression. This is a stunning wine that is joyful and exuberant – it shows why Chambertin is considered the ‘king of Burgundy’. This wine reveals Chambertin in all its glory and in such a refined way that one cannot deny its class and status. Extraordinary wine.

Wine fit for a king… Make sure you share a little with your court, LeBron.

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So Merry Christmas and happy holidays to all of you and your families from all of us at Cavs the Blog. May the blessings of the season continue into the New Year, and as always, Go Cavs.