Profiles In Things That Contain More Things

August 3rd, 2009 by John Krolik

“Get it? I have six pack abs…Cheap, trendy, gross tasting six pack abs.”

Fairly slow news day, so here’s a random amalgamation of things happening around the internet with small doses of snark attached for your reading pleasure:

-This isn’t an MMA blog, but it is a free blog, so I’m going to talk about Fedor Emelianenko, the consensus #1 heavyweight in the world and many’s pick for the #1 overall fighter and even GOAT of MMA. He signed with low-rent US promotion Strikeforce on Monday after being courted by the UFC. This was made necessary by his last promotion folding. The deal-breaker was that his promotional company, which has a legacy of destroying promotions, demanded a partnership with the UFC.

This is one of the most frustrating sports stories I’ve ever seen. The Lakers didn’t go to Europe after beating the Nuggets and play DKV instead of the Magic because Europe allowed Nike better access. I like MMA because after filling my days with ridiculous basketball arguments for months every year, I like a sport where two guys fight and one guy wins and it’s done with. Fedor just screwed that up. He’s now one of the great “what-if” guys in sports history, along with old ABA legends, although most of them eventually made it to the NBA. The best analogy might be Oscar Charleston, and the fact that Fedor had a choice while Charleston didn’t just makes the whole thing much, much more infuriating. At least team sports don’t have politics getting in the way of the product, unless Ricky Rubio is involved. Not to mention Mayweather-Paquiao, THE ONE FIGHT CASUAL BOXING FANS WANT TO SEE, appears to be at least 2 years away. Grr.

-News today: This may be the single most predictable story in the history of sport. I seriously can’t think of anything more obvious. That Jessica Simpson is saying stupid things on Twitter seems like an insane confluence of events compared to this.

-The Vanity Fair with Heath Ledger on the cover is an absolute keeper-this story on Politico is a must-read, as is Michael Lewis on the economic meltdown at AIG.

-Simmons put this on Twitter, but this WaPo article on Gawker is a very interesting read. Although I say this as someone who uses pictures with a particularly wanton disregard for copyright laws.

-The more free time I have, the more I’m loving rediscovering the archives of Will Leitch’s “Life as A Loser” column. As a many-year Deadspin reader, and a guy who’s read “God Save the Fan” multiple times and Will’s novel, I think those columns are Leitch’s best work.

-“Funny People”-worth a watch, but not all that funny. Not something to see with friends on a Friday night, but a solid one to rent. Particularly good for those who have been in the dregs of some form of entertainment past the age of 18 and felt a lack of purpose, which is to say everyone in the former group.

-And finally, Cleveland was fined for leaking the schedule. How are the Cavs going to have the money to keep LeBron now?