Cavalier Halloween Costume Party!
2017-10-31
Halloween ’16
It’s Halloween, and last night all of the Cleveland Cavaliers gathered at LeBron James’ house for his famous annual Halloween Party! This year, the team got a jumpstart on the October festivities with a recent cavalcade of horrifying lineups, spooky shooting displays, and ghostly defense on the basketball court, so this year’s big bash was sure to be a blast. There were a lot of great costume ideas ranging from scary to hilarious, as players and significant others attended fully decked out. Pennywise the Clown was spotted, as were Daenerys Targaryen and Khal Drogo. Eazy-E made an appearance and the Coneheads were in rare form.
No team can compete with the Cavs when it comes to dressing up for Halloween pic.twitter.com/jgaFVygLY3
— The Crossover (@TheCrossover) October 31, 2017
But the costume party had one Cavs fan in myself thinking of a fun idea… What if everyone’s had dressed in costumes that were related in some way to their basketball persona? Whether it’s a reflection of how they play each night, a suggestion of the player they might strive to be, or simply a fun play on words, I have a few ideas for some Cavs costume makeovers. So today I get Freudian and analyze what each Cavalier should have dressed up as and why. Halloween is an evening of fun and mischief, so let’s pretend LeBron were to hold a hypothetical redux tonight and see what the cast of characters showing up at Mr. James’ party might look like.
LeBron James
A bag. Any old bag that could be filled with anything. Maybe it’s a sandbag to convey how he treats the regular season. Perhaps he channels his inner RL Sharpe and dresses as a Bag of Tools, alluding to all the basketball skills this King has at his disposal to build an ever-increasingly grand legacy. Or LBJ could be a “mystery bag,” because no one knows what he plans to do this looming offseason. Oh LeBron, he of many hats–er–bags. No one knows quite what he’s thinking or how much he’s influencing behind the scenes.
Dwyane Wade
Uncle Drew. D-Wade has been sort of a reverse-Uncle Drew in real life–looks young, plays old–so it would be deliciously ironic for Flash to don the alter ego of ex-Cav Kyrie Irving. Besides, no slight is too petty in today’s NBA and having LeBron’s former running mate mimicked by LeBron’s former former (and current) running mate would make for social media gold.
Kevin Love
Lil’ Kev. C’mon, how could it be anything else?? Kev would be the life of the party. Everyone loves a good inside joke, and maybe all the attention Love gets at the Halloween bash would translate into the fellas feeding him more elbow touches on the court.
Derrick Rose
A mummy. Made with lots and lots of toilet paper. And then some more toilet paper over that. We’re talking heavy duty, two-ply over here. Really, the goal of this costume is more function over fashion — we’re just trying to keep Rose from getting hurt and he has, ya know, sort of a history with that happening to him. Did I mention the Cavs are really, really thin at point guard right now?
JR Smith
A teddy bear. JR needs some hugs. His ego got bruised when he was demoted to the bench to start the season and his confidence has looked shaky since. We need the Real JR and his gunslinging ways back! (Alternate costume: a shirt.)
Tristan Thompson
A priest. Tristan is currently suffering from a severe case of Kardashian Kurse. He should dress as a holy man so he can exorcise himself of whatever demon(s) causing him to play like he forgot how to rebound (and yes, I do mean “rebound” as a double entendre for basketball AND relationships *cue rimshot*).
Kyle Korver
A zombie. He looked potentially cooked a year ago on a listless Hawks team before coming to Cleveland, where playing for a LeBron James-led contender appeared to resurrect his career. He then proceeded to impersonate a corpse during the Finals, but now he’s reanimated as one of the few bright spots during the Cavs’ recent abysmal stretch. The 36-year-old’s career won’t die! And that silky J is like a zombie headshot in a video game.
Jae Crowder
A giant clam. So he could be “Clam Crowdah”. Get it? Like Bostonians say “clam chowdah”? (I’m sorry.) Anyway, Crowder could use a reminder of how good he was for that Boston team the past few years. He also could use a good pun to lighten the mood because he seems unsure of his role at times so far into his Cavs career. Maybe because he doesn’t really have a role at this point, but that likely has more to do with getting yanked as a starter when he probably deserves to be one.
Jeff Green
Kevin Durant. If I had to guess one reason the Cavs signed Green to the team, it ain’t for his shooting. He was brought in as a direct reaction to getting smoked by Kevin Durant in the Finals, and the Cavs simply need big, athletic bodies in stock for another potential matchup. Henceforth, Jeff Green should spend as much time being Kevin Durant as Jeff Green can, because one way or another Mr. Green is gonna get very familiarized with the jumper of one of this generation’s greatest scorers come June. Someone just remind Green later not to create burner CtB accounts to defend himself against angry commenters after he has a bad game.
Iman Shumpert
Himself in a basketball uniform. Because I can’t think of anything scarier.
Ahhhh!
Channing Frye
Richard Jefferson. Everyone misses RJ. Channing should dress as his old friend for the feels. (Surprise twist: RJ shows up to the party unannounced dressed as Channing! What fun!)
Jose Calderon
A fork. Pretty self-explanatory.
Cedi Osman
Cedi is pretty new to these parts, so he doesn’t really understand his role on a team for whom he plays exclusively during garbage time; similarly, nor does he quite grasp all the customs we have here in the States. So silly Cedi comes to LeBron’s party dressed in normal going-out-wear, thereby missing a golden opportunity to be–much to the chagrin of fans everywhere–“Cedi the Jedi” for a night.
Ante Zizic
Zydrunas Ilgauskas. Ante Z summons the ghost of another Eastern European big man from Cavaliers past by donning the guise of the beloved “Big Z”. Hopefully, doing so helps the young center to get in touch with his own inner “Big Z” and unleashes an untapped potential somewhere in the same stratosphere as Ilgauskas. That would be really awesome considering how a certain “kursed” center on the team has been playing.
Isaiah Thomas
A dentist. Isaiah famously lost his tooth during a playoff game last year so it would be funny if he dressed as one of the medical professionals who helped fix up his mouth. IT showed a lot of guts by finishing that game not only sans one tooth but merely days after burying his recently passed sister, both relevant facts considering he has expressed resentment toward a Celtics team he laid everything out for only to be callously traded away in the offseason. He should keep that chip on his tooth and on his shoulder. Also, as a doctor, a dentist represents good health, something all Cavs fans hope IT quickly returns to.
Tyronn Lue
A coach. Wouldn’t it be spooky if Lue showed up someplace looking like, I dunno, a head coach in the NBA or something?
Koby Altman
Unfortunately, Koby’s invitation got lost in the mail (at least, that’s what LeBron tells him).
Dan Gilbert
Psych! You know Comic Sans Dan ain’t getting invited to LeBron’s pad anytime this century.
That about covers the Cavs’ new and improved Halloween night roster, and by the sounds of it, that party would be a spook-tacular time. But in all seriousness, hopefully the team was able to blow off some steam and loosen up so they can start playing the way we all know they are capable of, because the slow start to the season can’t be too fun for anyone.
Just keep in mind, this has simply been a tongue-in-cheek look at all the Cavs’ members in light of an underwhelming start to the young season, so none of these costume ideas are meant to be taken too seriously to disparage Cavs players or officials. We all love and respect every last one of these guys and know how hard they work to be successful. Better times are ahead. So mingle with the mummies and dance with the Draculas for tonight, folks, because basketball is back tomorrow when the Pacers come to town. Here’s to a happy Halloween for everyone, and as always, go Cavs!
http://www.espn.com/nba/tradeMachine?tradeId=y83ercmh
Something! Anything!!
Man. Peak Browns today.
Utterly beyond belief!
Is there a single competent person in the organization?
No.
I enjoyed John B’s previous description of the Browns.
Cavs need to trade K-Love for defense and athleticism.
Bettervyet, trade Jeff Green for same.
So you’re just gonna let 45 ppg walk out the door between this year and last and expect to replace it with defense and athleticism?
Yep. Need to have his scoring. The team just needs to actually start giving a freak every other game on defense. Getting rid of love also won’t fix the idiotic plays the cavs make on defense all the time. Only practice and/or a different scheme will. None of them look like they consistently have any idea where to be or rotate to. That isn’t effort, that is mental. You don’t get three guys accidentally covering the same guy on a rotation or completely losing people on switches and cuts just from effort. That is bad execution and/or coaching. Effort can… Read more »
Where Kevin Love e was the Cavs second best player and defender…
Cavs need to trade Shump for defense and athleticism.
Don’t jump off the cliff!
Thunder obliterated the bucks tonight, but Giannis had 28 on 9-14. Guess you can stop the bucks, but you can’t stop Giannis. Reminds me of Lebron and the cavs in 2005-2006 where the cavs still had a terrible team around lbj but made the playoffs and subsequently Lebron couldn’t be slowed even a little until the Pistons basically used a box and one on him. Even then he still took the pistons to seven games. Rewatching clips from that series and some of the games from the Spurs 2007 finals are almost comical. Seriously, the pistons and occasionally the Spurs… Read more »
GOOD NEWS SHUMP OUT FOR 5-7 DAYS—COULD IT BE THEY MIGHT BE IN SERIOUS TRADE TALKS / DON’T WANT TO RISK FURTHER INJURY ————-EARLY PREDICTION FOR TOMORROW NIGHT —-THE ” NIGHTLY CAVS ALL STAR ” WILL BE OLADIPO—WILL GO FOR 35-40 PTS
To be fair, Oladipo is having a monster season thus far.
True. Oladipo is playing way better than George. Maybe Indiana got the better deal.
The talking heads were saying Iman was having some pain since Friday, was going to be out for a few days.
Happy. Lived Oladipo for. Like forever.
THAT IS SCARY USING BROWNS WITH THE WORD ” ORGANIZED ” IN THE SAME SENTENCE
“Organized crime” is this the first thing that came to mind.
Carson, as others have posted, great article. It’s definitely a mental break from the gloom of the last few games.
Happy Halloween!!!
Browns. Ye Gods, that organization is inept.
What organization? For the past 17 years it seems like someone random hangs on a wall a poster board of choices the Browns could make, whether they be personnel, coaching, management, or play calling related, and then puts a blind fold on and throws darts at the board to decide what to do.
BOOO!!—–YES WE WERE IN DEFINITE NEED OF SOME “LIGHTHEARTED ” RECAPS AND SOME LAUGHTER—-HOPING THE CAVS HAVE DONE THE SAME WITH ” THE PARTY ” LAST NIGHT AND “THE MEETING ” AT PRACTICE TODAY !!
Awesome article man. Definitely nice to read something fun while we await their funk to subside.
Nice light-hearted piece here. What would Lue dress as?
I mean, he could dress as Byron Scott.
Byron Scott is a good one. He already has the vacant stare down pat…
Good stuff here Carson. Other costume ideas: LeBron as Two-Face. One half represents his incredible talent, skill, production, and utter dominance in the NBA. The other half represents his “I Don’t Give a S***” Attitude toward the regular season, what the media thinks, what his coaches think, and what DG thinks. Channing Frye as a French Fry. Delicious when made correctly but you probably shouldn’t eat too much of that fried food. Someone tell Lue that it’s okay to splurge a little, however. Kevin Love as a Punching Bag. No matter what he does, no matter how hard he works,… Read more »
Regarding Love, this is from ESPN’s “5 on 5” post: “MacMahon: The experiment of Kevin Love as the Cavs’ starting center didn’t last long, primarily because of defensive problems. (Not that shifting him back to power forward has solved anything.) He has been about as bad as a guy averaging 19 points and 11 rebounds can be. He has the worst net rating on the team (minus-9.9 points per 100 possessions). Cleveland is plus-6.1 when Love sits.” I don’t know what to make of this. I want Love as much as possible on the floor, but if this is correct(which… Read more »
Complete and utter coincidence. The net rating might be true, but it’s because he’s been trapped with abysmal lineups. I mean Iman is leading the team in net rating. Does that mean he’s playing better than anyone? No.
Nice piece, Carson !! If those numbers for Love look the same after say 20 games, then I think they could be more valid. Another example, guess who is number one in the NBA for the least points given up per 100 possessions. Yes the team coached by That Guy, the Boston Celtics. The Celts supposedly lost all their defenders but everyone else’s D is looking up to theirs……….albeit after 7 games, so we’ll see if this trend is short lived. I’ve watched every Celtics game this game, and sad to say, they do look good. Beat the Spurs their… Read more »
K-Love needs to get traded, Those numbers are an accurate reflection of his contributions.