NBA Jams… Cavs Edition

A few weeks ago, when Mo Williams officially agreed to come back to the Cavs for a second stint, I started pondering something truly exciting. Sure, Mo should definitely help man the back-up PG position, providing skilled ball-handling and instant scoring off the bench. But I also realized the return of Mo Gotti might also bring about a return of the music sting following each triple he hits from downtown. Yes, I can’t wait for the possibility that the PA system at the Q will once again blast the familiar strains of the theme song from The Godfather in honor of Mo’s predilection for gangster flicks.

Then, because that’s just how my brain works, I started thinking about how all the other Cavs should have their very own theme songs or anthems that play, either when they check into the game or following a made basket or generally awesome play. After all, why should Mo and Andy (Wild Thing) be the only guys with specific songs?

I recognize that the Cavs have their own musical tastes that get them pumped up for gametime, so these selections are more for fan enjoyment and comedic effect. Here’s what I came up with… see if you agree.

LeBron James: Last year the most appropriate LBJ song was probably “Coming Home” by Diddy Dirty Money. But the King is home now, and it’s all about the business of winning a title this year. Sure, there’s always one Drake song or another to fill the void, like “Started From The Bottom” or a Kanye track like “Power” or “Watch The Throne.” However, maybe the best way to let the opposition know that they just got owned by the King, is for them to just be bombarded with his name in song…

Kyrie Irving: Well, youngbloods… there’s really only one way to sum up what should be coming out of the speakers when Uncle Drew is doin’ his thing…

Kevin Love: There are any number of good songs with the word “Love” in them. “Love Is In The Air” was certainly a consideration as was “Let Love Rule.” There was even some thought to giving a nod to Kevin’s uncle Mike with “Good Vibrations,” but in the end, there’s one definitive “Love” song that just seems to fit…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53pfbW_-AZY

Timofey Mozgov: The natural choice for the big Russian would be Ivan Drago’s Theme from Rocky IV, although it takes a bit of time to build and doesn’t necessarily lend itself to repeat play. Instead, I went with the Soviet National Anthem (also from Rocky IV), which could be easily laced with snippets of dialogue like “I must break you…” and “If he dies, he dies.”

Iman Shumpert: He gave us “The Offs” for last year’s post-season, and even came up with his own twist on ESPN’s First Take opening credits. Shump is a legit rapper and songwriter in his own right… which is why someone should convince him to get his funky ass down and put together his own version of this song to be his new funky anthem… (we want the Shump… gotta have that Shump!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImI78s638hQ

J.R. Smith: Though I was tempted to go with “Pipe” by Patch, discretion caught up with me and I opted for the more family friendly “We Ready (Swish)” for the man we call Swish. Here’s hoping he signs soon so he gets the chance to use this at the Q this season…

Tristan Thompson: There’s actually another Canadian dude out there named Tristan Thompson, but this one’s a singer. That said, most of his songs are covers, and not really all that conducive to the basketball Canadian Tristan Thompson. I settled instead on songs about dynamite. And, while I could have gone with cooler versions of “Dynamite” by Jamiroquai or The Roots, I’m kind of annoyed with TT and his whole contract situation… so he gets the more mainstream version by Taio Cruz (at least until he signs).

Mo Williams: As previously mentioned, the haunting theme to The Godfather is an offer you can’t refuse…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvKXt3Surlk

Matthew Dellavedova: The easy default here would have been to Men At Work’s “Land Down Under.” A close second would have been Matty D’s “Dellavedova” song by Dirt. But I went with more of a thematic choice for the scrappy Aussie guard…

Richard Jefferson: Poor RJ gets my knee-jerk reaction to his last name as the impetus of my choice for his theme… (well, he is “movin’ on up” from Dallas after all).

James Jones: Since it’s hard to find something that goes with JFJ, I used his other nickname to pull a pretty catchy theme song… It’s just the instrumental version, but it gets the point across…

Joe Harris: This might be from the wrong sport (cricket), but it was too good to pass up for our own Smokin’ Joe…

Anderson Varejao: Okay, we all know that Andy is the Wild Thing, and we’ve grown accustomed to the Troggs version of that tune. I was tempted to update this and use The Runaways’ version, however, that’s reserved for Major League which pre-dates AV by a decade or so…

Sasha Kaun: If Sasha Kaun does indeed sign with the Cavs in the coming days (as rumored), then he’ll require some sort of theme song so he’s not left out. Since the Russian National Anthem is already spoken for, this play on Sasha’s name is the best I could come up with on short notice. Plus, it was a big song when Sasha graduated from Kansas in 1984 (jk big guy!).

Cedi Osman: Sure, a Turkish pop hit would probably be more appropriate, but after the Chaka Khan/Sasha Kaun wordplay… it wasn’t much of a reach to rhyme Osman with Postman… Hopefully, he delivers…

Sir’Dominic Pointer: Anyone who has the word “Sir” as part of his name deserves a theme song that also incorporates it. The added bonus is that Stevie Wonder’s funky masterpiece should add some swagger to Sir’Dominic’s game and also provide him with a readymade nickname.

Jared Cunningham: Even though I did some extensive research on this guy, I was fairly stumped on coming up with an appropriate theme song for him. Then I saw an ad that stuck in my brain… Sorry JC, but fate (and my tired brain) has determined that you unfortunately get stuck with a jewelry jingle…

Quinn Cook: Quinn had a small part in re-igniting my crazy idea to put this piece together. There are many cool versions of “The Mighty Quinn” (Dylan, Denzel, Winehouse & Weller, etc.), but we’ll just stick with Manfred Mann and his Earth Band for now…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qoyWU_EDDU

Hope you enjoyed this summertime musical distraction. I’m sure there are obvious choices I missed, so chime in and add your own favorite potential Cavalier theme songs.