Recap: Cavs 120, Lakers 105 (Or Cleveland 4, Los Angeles 0)

Los Angeles was built on persistence of vision. It’s all an illusion. A flaw in our narcissism of self-love that fits the desert oasis tight like a blood stained glove. LA is a mirage and so are the people. They contort themselves to fit the idea of LA. There were times I questioned if they were ever actually there in the first place. They just couldn’t have been real.

Cleveland and Los Angeles exist as direct opposites of one another in every imaginable way. Whatever is great in LA sucks in Cleveland and vice versa. The traffic in Cleveland is a breeze compared to the 405. The weather in Los Angeles is unbelievable and the humidity is nearly perfect unlike the extremes of the land of believe. The people of Cleveland are lauded for their manners and loyalty and the people of LA…Well, the weather is great. In a strange twist of fate, the roles of the Cavs and the Lakers franchises have been reversed. Two years ago no one would have believed that the Cavs would acquire a pair of all-stars in the summer of 2014 and that the Lakers would be turned down by every significant free agent they courted. While the Cavs outright tanked from 2010-2013, the Lakers have found themselves in tank mode after multiple off seasons of regrettable moves. Lakers fans genuinely thought that they had a good offseason. I have a bet with comedian Jason Rennebu (He’s Nick Swardson‘s Nick Swardson) that the Lakers won’t make the playoffs. I’ve blasted Doc Buss’s seeds for the past couple seasons, but could this all have been part of the script? When they handed Kobe that bananas extension they already knew that he’d never share the spotlight. After Dwight Howard left Hollywood Babylon for suburban Hades Houston they had to have known that no star in his prime would play with Kobe at this point. Rather than overpay free agents for years into the future to be screamed at in practice by Kobe, they overpaid their own this offseason. They picked up plus/minus minus Carlos Boozer on the cheap and hired Byron Scott. They took on Jeremy Lin’s awful contract. It’s like the plot of Major League without the threat of relocating. With each loss they could reveal another puzzle piece to Jeanie Buss’s centerfold from 20 years ago.

FIRST QUARTER

LeBron James hits the first basket of the game on a 7-foot jumper after grabbing an offensive rebound off of a J.R. Smith missed three. Former Herculoid Wayne Ellington scores the first Lakers points two possessions later off of a Robert Sacre assist. Kyrie Irving and LeBron throw away back to back possessions with sloppy passes. Kevin Love slams an alley oop dunk from Irving. Love’s movement was more fluid than against the Pacers. At the midway point in the quarter, Kyrie makes a layup through contact and hits the free throw to complete the three point play. Former Cav, Carlos Boozer checks in for Tarik Black and is greeted with boos from the Cleveland crowd. That’s right, Tarik Black is starting ahead of him. Boozer scores on the Lakers next possession. With two minutes remaining in the quarter, Kyrie finds Timofey Mozgov for another oop jam. Over the final two minutes, both teams play half-hearted defense and a combined 20 points are scored. CAVS 32-28

SECOND QUARTER

LeBron grabs a defensive rebound and finds Iman Shumpert for a three to start the second frame. On the following possession, Shumpert does the dealing and connects with Tristian Thompson for a dunk. Thompson then kicks the ball out to Love for an open three. On the play of the game, Kyrie  delivers a rare inbound pass alley oop to Shumpert from 30 feet away as Carlos Boozer day dreams about what could have been if he never would have lied to a blind man.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpnCa6TBJd4

The Cavs offensive attack slows, and Tarik Black converts on back to back Lakers possessions cutting the Cavs lead to three and forcing Tyronn Lue David Blatt to call a time out. Mozilla checks in for Thompson and hits a jump hook off of a Love dime. Shumpert hammers a dunk off of an Irving assist. His off the ball movement is better than I expected and he plays harmonica. I miss Waiters a little less every game. With four minutes remaining in the half, the Kevin Love three-point montage begins. Ball movement flows like whiskey at the Rainbow Room and finds Love open on four consecutive possessions and he coverts all of them. James then finds Mozgov for another alley oop. CAVS 64-49

THIRD QUARTER

Love continues his offensive assault with his third jumper off of a Smith dime. On the next Cavs possession, Love’s three point pump fake gets Black off his feet and draws contact. He really is a master at getting the fish to bite. Love misses the first free throw and hits the follow two. Love then grabs the defensive rebound off of a Ryan Kelly misfire and delivers to LeBron for a three, pushing the Cavalier lead to 20. James scores on the following three possessions, capped off by a triple. Irving then joins the three point parade and hits a pair himself. Love ends the quarter with another pair of threes. Ellington responds with a buzzer beating three to end the third stanza. CAVS 96-79

FOURTH QUARTER

I was honestly surprised that the bench zoo crew squad didn’t start the quarter. Irving scores the first points of the quarter a minute and a half in on a lay up after some sloppy play by both squads. Irving then grabs a defense board and goes coast to coast, drawing a foul from Jeremy Lin. He hits both free throws. Kyrie delivers an alley oop to Thompson as the Cavs hit their magic number of 102. Two possession later they wash, rinse and repeat for another buddy ball oop. Irving pulls the string on Austin Carr’s back and hits a three from deep in The Q. If you played a drinking game during Cavaliers broadcasts to Austin Carr’s catchphrases, all involved would brown out at a minimum and someone choking on their own bile in their sleep would be in play. The Cavs push the lead to a game high 25 points midway through the quarter. Delly, Shumpert and Joe Harris hit a troika of threes and there’s a James Jones sighting on the floor, zoo crew victory cigar time.

BOO

LeBron had another six turnover game…The Lakers are going to tank their way to a top five pick in this draft.

YAY
Kevin Love played like the Kevin Love we gave up Wiggins for. He scored 32 points on 18 shots and went a peligroso seven for eight from down town…The offense flowed and there was little iso ball. Of the Cavs 45 field goals, 31 were assisted…Kyrie was phenomenal again with 28 points on just 14 shots and had 10 dimes and just one turnover…LeBron played just 30 minutes and still flirted with a triple double totaling 22 points, 10 boards and 8 assists…The Cavs big three were the big three tonight. They combined for 82 points, 24 rebounds, and 21 assists…Mozgov snarled blocked four shots and altered many more…Shumpert had his best game as a Cavalier. As great as Smith has been in the starting lineup, ideally they will reverse rolls once Shumpert’s stamina is fully back…Speaking of Smith he played 34 minutes and only put up 4 shots, he also delivered four assists…Ignore the page view spam noise. This team is in on Blatt. They were up three when he called that time out in the second quarter. After the timely TO they went on a 10-2 run. The roster as a whole played unselfish basketball. They continually looked for the best shot for the team…Angeleno natives are actually pretty solid folks. It’s the transplants and the idea of LA that’s evil. Below is Artie Vegas, perhaps my favorite Angeleno. It’s like “The Kramer” portrait panhandling from a stage.