League Pass Champs
2014-10-22
Today, Bill Simmons and Zach Lowe of Grantland unveiled the second part of their NBA League Pass rankings. After reading part one of their rankings yesterday, I felt relieved that the Cavs weren’t in the bottom fifteen. It would seem illogical for them to be considering they have LeBron James, Kevin Love, The Wild Thing, and Kyrie Irving, but being born and raised in Cleveland has taught me to expect the worse for my sports teams.
I ate up the second part of the Grantland rankings while taking a short break at work. After seeing the Cavs weren’t in the first third of the post, I thought proudly, “I am allowed to be non-ironically excited about this team again” (after being overly excited last season because of the Andrew Bynum signing, I realized you win some, and you get this when you don’t). When I got to the eighth ranked team, the Knicks, there was an odd sense of, “Okay, the Cavs are universally beloved.” They’re now above their League Pass ranking from last year. It must be noted that much of that high ranking last season was because of Andrew Bynum’s hair, Tristan Thompson’s shooting hand switch, and the Gum Drop Bear (Anthony Bennett) pick.
As I saw the Spurs, Mavericks, Thunder, Warriors, and Bulls receive Lowe and Simmons’ verdict about their watchability before the Cavs, I panicked. “Oh no, the Clippers are the only other team left besides the Cavs. Blake Griffin dunks the ball really hard, and Chris Paul has that crazy scowl. The Cavs won’t beat that.” Then I saw the Clippers weren’t first. The Cavs were because:
And LeBron! In 11 years, LeBron played with only one elite player who made him better: Dwyane Wade in 2011 and most of 2012 before he slowly turned into Heavier, Moodier, Not-As-Good Dwyane Wade. Kevin Love will make LeBron better every single game. (Simmons)
Everyone forgets how fantastic their home games were in 2009 and 2010, how much energy ripped through that building every night, and how LeBron always seemed to feed off his hometown peeps. They went 39-2 at home in 2009 with inferior talent, a clueless coach and a roster that couldn’t do 40 percent of the stuff that this 2015 Cavs team can do. These LeBron 2.0 home games are going to be a borderline religious experience. (Simmons)
Regardless, it will be fascinating to see how democratic the Cavs can really make their offense, how they upgrade their roster, and how Blatt manages his defense. Blatt is talking about switching up tactics depending on matchups and lineups. (Lowe)
The Cavs have it all when you are ranking a team based on two writers’ combined scores in the following categories: Hoops Nerdgasm Potential (David Blatt might be running a Spurs style motion offense), Individual Player Appeal (LeBron, Love, Irving), Unintentional Comedy/Irrational Affection/Personality Intangibles (Dion Waiters’ attitude), Relevance/Zeitgeist (best player in the league returning home to a small city), and League Pass Minutiae.
League pass minutiae (announcers, court design, fans, etc…) is where the Cavs really won the rankings, even if it is only stated by Zach Lowe mentioning Austin Carr in passing. Mr. Cavalier takes announcing to the level of crazed fandom without ever having to be under the influence of any substances. His power phrases are the best in the league: “Throws the hammer down” (for dunks), “Get that weak stuff outta here” (for blocks), ” and “He got him a bird” (for getting an opponent to fall for a pump fake). And, if you don’t think those phrases are the best in the league, there’s a good chance a Cavs fan will “throw the hammer down” on you for pointing that out. After all, Wine & Gold fans are the most crazed in the nation.
The one two punch of “What does pressure do?” “It BURSTS THE PIPE!” is the best/worst.
i know what you mean. my 6 year old asks what does pipes have to do with basketball. i try to explain the analogy but it is lost on him. he only likes through the hammer down. right down euclid appeals to him when we are in cleveland though. i feel for fred at times because i think he is obliged to play along.
Just so we’re clear: League pass minutiae is the ONLY place the cavs LOSE points in the rankings…Zach Lowe hates the court design and isn’t a huge fan of Carr-you sorta have to read between the lines for that one…but it’s pretty easy to see why…our announcers are homers, not te worst in the league, but certainly not near the top. Especially for people who ain’t from here. But oh well, he’ll have to deal with “Austin Carr’s cackling” in order to get the rest!
Every Cavs preseason game has been on out-of-market cable (NBA TV, TBS, or ESPN). The Cavs got the Brazil game, the Christmas Day game. They are basically the center of the NBA media universe right now. I’m relieved that Bill Simmons has been so supportive of the Return and the team all summer. I (mostly) enjoy his writing, but more importantly, he is one of the most powerful sports editors and having him on our side ensures lots of coverage. I’m disappointed that his NBA preview series got cut short (presumably because of the suspension.) I don’t know how the… Read more »
i get what you are saying charlie. as for AC i think he substitutes jargon for content and knowledge. no question he is knowledgeable and his real basketball talent was obvious. that does not mean that it translates to his current position. at times i even wonder if he is slightly drunk during the broadcast. i am not trying to say he is an unprofessional homer. i guess i would not mind loosing fred and AC for new talent. As for simmons, his stuff back in the early 2000’s was brilliant. i thought he was more objective then, even though… Read more »
I wouldn’t consider Simmons a journalist, he’s really a humorist – more Andy Rooney than Mike Wallace. It’s fascinating that ESPN has put him on their pregame shows because he seems so unrefined and untrained. I can take the pro-Celtics bias if I also get the occasional unfiltered reaction (like the great “Whoa” when we drafted Bennett)
Last time I checked, the Cavs are on national TV 29 times. That’s a third of the season. Combined with DVR, that mean it’s not worth it for me to pay for league pass to watch the other two thirds. One game a week + Ctb recaps are good enough for me until the playoffs.
@grover13 – man, I’m really glad you dig our recaps. Thanks for saying that.
My personal favorite AC phrase is “mouse in the house”
My personal favorite AC phrase will be “I’m done announcing; I’ve realized I’m no good at it”