One of my least favorite parts of running this blog is the fact I’m theoretically supposed to comment on all the mini-controversies that end up surrounding LeBron James. LeBron never engages in full-fledged bad behavior, but he has a knack for doing something that happens to rub people the wrong way. And people do like to talk about LeBron. I’m of the opinion that people wouldn’t get so bent out of shape about these things if LeBron had a ring; since he doesn’t, it opens up the “a real champion wouldn’t do X” line of criticism every time.
My opinion on these things when they come up is almost universally the same:
1. I would rather LeBron hadn’t done or said that.
2. I do not actually care.
I’ve never been able to access righteous anger at the behavior of professional athletes, provided it’s not illegal or extremely morally reprehensible in the context of normal human life, not morally reprehensible by the standards of sports morals. I’m not sure why this is, but I have a really tough time doing it.
But for the sake of the record, let’s round up all the mini-controversies that have surrounded LeBron this season. All of these are in roughly chronological, more or less off the top of my head, and will not be explored in-depth. And yes, these are tongue-in-cheek descriptions meant to poke fun at the hysteria that surrounded the events rather than the events themselves. Starting immediately after the end of the last season:
-LeBron is struck with Aphephobia shortly after losing the ECF
-LeBron: “I don’t have Aphephobia. I like winning a lot.”
-Check my perceived Hubri$
-LeBron dances on the grave of sportsmanship by dancing
-Numerology with LeBron — History of the NBA before 1970 not a prerequisite
-New York something something
-New York isn’t a story! Something something
-If New York isn’t a story, why do we talk so much about New York not being a story? Something something
-LeBron loves either his area code or Satan very much (theory I didn’t see: LeBron lets his elbow fly on his jumper sometimes because he’s making a Masonic Pyramid.)
-Hey, why doesn’t LeBron get fouls called on him more often?: Port of Call New Orleans
-”If I really wanted to, I could turn into a Pegasus. But I feel like that would hamper my ability to get my teammates involved.”
-”I don’t think I need to risk injury, and resting could pay dividends in the later round. But mostly, I hate the proletariat.”
SPECIAL PREVIEW MINI-CONTROVERSY: LeBron hates America and loves making a Space Jam knock-off. Trust me. If the Cavs don’t win a title this season, that movie will trigger the hatepocalypse.
That’s all I could think of off the top of my head. I’m sure I forgot some. Please take this as a silly off-day post and get ready for game 2.