Archive for the ‘Eulogies’ Category

Contest: Help Cory pick a new favorite Cav!

Friday, January 9th, 2015


When Dion wasn’t in the starting lineup as previously advertised for the 76ers game, I knew there could be only two possible reasons for his absence. I assumed he was in the locker room throwing up from the stomach bug that’s going around (or a pool party hangover), or he had been traded. Sadly, it was the later. I began feeling a bit under the weather myself the night of the trade. When I awoke the next day, I knew I had the bug. I threw up Glacier Freeze G2 all day. In a  fitting symbolic end to the Saint Weirdo era, even my bile was Oklahoma City Thunder light blue. My favorite Cav has traded walleye for whips and I’m without a guy to irrationally root for on the roster.



Tuesday, August 12th, 2014


Almost immediately after the Spurs celebrated the conclusion of their ethereal basketball symphony I found myself between flights in Philly – a three hour layover of infinite possibilities.  I searched frantically for uninterrupted charging stations to calm my insatiable device hunger.  When the juice finally started flowing, I decided to write the most passive aggressive knock on LeBron James definitive eulogy for the “Big 3” era of pro basketball.  I shelved it long enough for the Cavs to sign Kyrie to the Pepsi MAX, LeBron to make peace with NEOhio, and the KLove #WojBomb to detonate.  So now what?

Well, Howard Bryant wrote a similar piece in ESPN The Magazine (although he arrived at a much different conclusion) and I have not the fortitude to polish a hot mess while reconciling the central claim with the current situation.

But I’m skeptical about the Cavs dedication to patience.  And what the Spurs did was instructive to every team in the NBA.  So I’m going to prune and pick from the autosaved “Document 1” that’s been open for months on my laptop and briefly describe what the Cavs should learn from all this.